Experience is a Doorway, Not a Final Destination- Oswald Chambers

Friday, January 29

Cops - Whatcha Gonna Do?

What is it about the television show Cops that intrigues the crap out of me? I can't get enough of it. I try to look away but the screen is like a magnet.

The show consists of police officers dressed in blue arguing with either buck toothed hillbillies or inner city thugs with pants on the ground, pants on the ground...

I live in Orlando where crime seems to be the hobby of a disproportionate part of the population. My husband and I are frequently reminded of this fact. On more than one occasion we have been awakened because a helicopter is flying low over our house and shining its lights in our yard in search of a criminal.


Cops Scenario

Cop pulls out a small knife.

Cop: "Why is this in your purse?"

Female Redhead: "I use it for fishin'."

Cop pulls out a hammer.

Cop: "Why is this in your truck?"

Female Redhead: "It's my favorite hammer."

Cop pulls a pipe out of redhead's pocket.

Cop: "There's a pipe in your pocket."

Female Redhead: "It's not mine."

Cop places handcuffs on woman.

Female Redhead: "I was lookin' for my dog and since you cuffed me I don't have no dog no more."


Really? It's not mine? I don't have no dog because you handcuffed me? If that wasn't a sign that the pipe was the redheads, I don't know what is.

This reminded me of when I taught three-year-old kids and I asked one of them if he had been playing in the bathroom. He said, "no," while the soap was dripping off the walls and his forehead. Some of us never grow up.

This television show is a half-hour-long life lesson. I won't ever forget what I learn. No one wants to loose a dog because of handcuffs.


Thursday, January 28

Beauty and Chin Hair

About one year ago I was preparing to go to work, when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. To my surprise I discovered a thick black hair growing out of my chin. Disgusting!

Most women keep these chin hairs a secret, but here I am world. My name is Allison Graber and I have chin hair...and hairy toes and a large mole on my arm that I used to mistake for a fly when I was younger. I'd slap it to kill the darn fly then realize what I had done and look around to make sure no one saw me. If someone did, I would lie and say, "Oh, it was just a pesky fly."

We live in a beauty-obsessed world where the real woman is replaced by plastic. We want what we don't have. In America the obsession is with being tan and thin. In Asia it is being light skinned and thin. You could call it the George Hamilton or Snow White dilemma. Hmmmm....

If we all obsess over who we are not, then we will never be who we were meant to be. I remind myself everyday that God created me, chin hairs and all.

Wednesday, January 27

Flashback China

A few years ago my husband, sister and I traveled to China. On one leg of the trip we visited a small village which was known for the watermelons it produced. I promised myself that I would not leave the country without purchasing a melon.

One particular day my sister was taking a nap and my husband was at the compound. I determined to go in search of that watermelon. Grabbing a small backpack, my bandanna and a wad of yuan, I journeyed into the quaint village.

As I neared the center of town I walked by vendors who lined the streets with their carts full of bread and shoes, fly covered meat and vegetables.







I bought the watermelon I had been looking for from one such stall and shoved it in my small bag. The shape of the watermelon made the backpack awkward to carry, but the fit was just right.

As I walked a little farther, which happened to be smack dab in the center of the main road, I heard a zzzziiiiipppppp and a PLOP! I quickly turned around only to find that the zipper of my backpack had come undone and the watermelon was lying on the street in pieces. I looked up just as I heard raucous laughter from the 25 or so street vendors I was surrounded by. Each one pointed and laughed. I could not have found a better location for a street show.

Do I leave it there? It wouldn’t be out of place. I saw ten rotting watermelons on the road not far from here. But…I can’t do it. It’s rude.

I argued with myself.

Just as I was preparing to walk away, a kind, laughing stranger came to my rescue with a plastic bag. I am not one to embarrass easily but since I had always prided myself with being wise in the ways of cultural interactions, I didn’t have enough courage to buy another watermelon.

I left China without putting one sliver of watermelon to my lips.

Tuesday, January 26

Six Months

It was six months ago today that my father passed away. I can list all the things that I miss, like his laugh, slobbery kisses, his singing voice and hugs, but I won't.

The world isn't the same without you dad. I know I am not. I am the woman that I am because I had a father like you.





Monday, January 25

Man in Black

My husband recently graduated from college. Since I have known him, he has never truly worn a suit. He owns suit jackets, but they were always paired with jeans. This is why I went camera crazy when we bought him a suit and he was willing to pose for me before he left for the graduation ceremony.



(Insert whistle here)



This is his annoyed look. "What's wrong?" I asked him as I was taking yet another picture. "You won't freakin' let me leave. Sheesh."



I love this man.

Friday, January 22

Facebook Addiction Disorder (FAD)

I will admit that when I first heard about Facebook I refused to join it. But now I am among the mass throngs of people who spend their days thinking about the next moment they can be on the computer because they have an awesome status update. Facebook Addiction Disorder is real. Google it. I dare you.

My sister Audra is a pro at taking photos of herself. She can hold the camera in perfect position so her face is in the frame every time. Over the past two years I have become a Facebook, photo-taking machine.

But for some reason looking at these photos outside the confines of Bookface is slightly embarrassing. How did I ever think this was normal?

"I am really happy and I tilt my head to project that happiness."



You should know I am "Pensive. Thoughtful. Serious."



"I dream while I am awake."



I am not truly a FAD sufferer but the funny thing is, as soon as I am finished typing this post, I will check my Facebook. I may even take another picture.

Thursday, January 21

In Honor of the Squirrels

I've always been an animal lover and have fond memories of my interactions with local wildlife.

Like that time that the male llama decided that he would chase after the female at the exact moment I was standing nearby. The spit that came out of that mouth and coated my hair could clean the dirt off the faces of 25 kids.

Or that time that I opened the side door and a black racer slid into the garage. He slithered into my dryer and it took an hour for Lynn and Audra to coax it out. I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. (Ask the witnesses, I think I did both simultaneously).

But the animal that I have the most history with is probably the squirrel. I was informed this morning by Betsy that today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. Who knows why there is a day in recognition of these critters, but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.

I grew up in Indiana where the squirrels are fat, bushy and cute. As a child we had a game with our family dog where we would yell, "Squirrel!" and he'd chase after the fox squirrels in the backyard.

And we ate them too. Yes, we are true Indiana country folk. My only hunting experience was hunting for fox squirrels with my father. Yum.

When I moved to Florida I found out that not all squirrels are the same. Orlando squirrels are like rats with thinned out hair on their tails. These tails remind me of my seventh grade science teacher's head. He had a comb over. I was not fooled by the wispy plastered hair. I knew he was bald just like I know the squirrels down here are really rats with a comb over.

I stepped out of my car at work one morning, and to my amazement, one of these bizarre creatures had a whole 6 inch Subway sandwich in his mouth. That same week I witnessed a squirrel rotating an apple core in its paws like it was corn on the cob.

I would lay out some food for these comb-over rats to honor them on their day, but I have a feeling that Florida squirrels prefer to fend for themselves.

Wednesday, January 20

Maddy the DogCat



I have recently been going through Maddy withdrawal. She is living in Indiana while we are transitioning our belongings from Orlando to the great Midwest.

Maddy can be... how do you say it? Uptight? Hyperactive? Spazoid? Endearingly tightly wound?

Maybe a more fitting description would be that Maddy is a dogcat. I have decided this because:

1. She cleans herself excessively
2. She bats her paws like a cat
3. She has nine lives.



This dogcat stayed with my mother for the past two months until...

Dahm Dahm Dahm

Exhibit A
Oak Door




Exhibit B
Carpet



When I heard what she had done I didn't believe it at first. She usually behaves. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that she is like a child when they have lost the structure in their life. Instead of peeing her pants she decided to chew on my mother's oak panel door and rip apart the brand new carpet.

I would take pee over that destruction any day.

An apology letter is on its way Mom. I can't imagine the reaction you had to that mess. Maddy must have a tenth life hidden in there somewhere.

Tuesday, January 19

Unequivocally Ashley

While looking through my photos today I caught a glimpse of a folder I aptly titled Ash. For those of you who are unaware, Ashley is my sister.

The folder contained photos of her, most of which came from the month we were in China.

Although my other sister Audra and I rank pretty high on the goofball scale,



Ashley is in a league of her own. She can make anyone bust-a-gut with laughter (See Chinese rickshaw driver below).




Few words can accurately describe these pictures so I will let them speak for themselves.













Sorry Ash. I couldn't help myself. You made me smile today so I had to spread the love. You seem to have that effect on me. Maybe that is why your middle name is Joy?

P.S. In the last photo isn't she reminiscent of the little girl in The Emperor's New Groove?

Monday, January 18

Do You Come From a Land Down Under?

If you aren't aware, the Australian Open started this week. This means that I may not answer my phone. Don't take it personally. I just want to see Roger Federer cry like a baby again.


http://www.sportsviews.com/video/1164/Roger_Federer_crying


(See 1:20)

Ask my husband. Tennis is the only sport that I will watch and genuinely enjoy for hours at a time. He will tell you that when a Grand Slam is on he might as well be married to a tennis racquet.

I usually refuse to get up earlier than 7:10am for work - that is until Wimbledon was on in 09' and coverage started at 7:00am. I woke up faithfully at 6:30am to get ready for the day so I could watch as much tennis as possible.

Who knows what surprises the land down under will hold this year? I can't wait to find out.

Bring it on Roger. Maybe this time you will make Rafa cry.

Friday, January 15

Reading Chronicles of Narnia

I recently read the seven books in the The Chronicles of Narnia series for the first time. I highly recommend them to any and all readers. Not only does the content work for people of all ages but there is something about it that inspires me.

My favorite and most recommended books in the series are The Magician's Nephew and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

I am currently reading Elizabeth Gaskell's book titled North and South but once that is complete I have set my sights on Lord of the Rings.

Love it.

Thursday, January 14

Cremation and the British

Recently I was introduced to the 100 Things We Didn't Know Last Year list which I found on the BBC's web site. Thank you Brandy.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/2010/01/100_things_we_didnt_know_last_4.shtml

There are plenty of interesting "things" on the list. Not only does it include enthralling recycling ideas like #38 "Paper can be made from wombat excrement" and the notification found in #77 that those of us with large thighs are less likely to get heart disease (thank you very much), but the Brits decided out of all the discoveries over the last year, cremation merited two entries.

#29 Parts of cremated bodies are recycled (Bling!)
#96 Tattoos can be done with a person's ashes

It got me thinking.

So, I did a little research and learned that in the United Kingdom over 72% of people were cremated in 2007! That is compared to like 35% in the United States.

Holy smokes.

I do admit that as a teenager I wanted to be cremated if I passed away and my ashes spread over a beautiful mountain or river or buried in a foreign country somewhere. I could never really decide where my ashes would go but I knew that it was romantic.

I also read that cremation is growing in popularity around the world. Maybe we are all hopeless romantics? Or maybe there is not enough space for more cemeteries?

I wonder how many of us are walking around with ash tattoos?

Wednesday, January 13

Sleet...errr... Snow

I cannot let another day go by without mentioning the cold front that moved through Central Florida this last week. It has been the talk of the town. By cold front, I mean there were snow flurries that fell in some parts of Florida.

One morning I woke up and opened my front door to find sleet/ice spitting from the sky. Just as I was about to go inside I heard hooting and hollering from my neighbors down the street because they were so delighted with the "snow." (I say snow to appease my Florida friends even though it was anything but.)

I do have to mention that I don't mind the cold. I don't even mind snow. Those winters in the great Midwest thickened my skin. I would prefer though to be in a place like Colorado when the snow flurries fall.



This is a picture I took during a trip to Colorado while jeeping over Imogene Pass.

Tuesday, January 12

Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life for Me!

When the holidays come around my thoughts, of course, turn to family. I often wonder about who my ancestors were and what they were like. It was especially true this year since my Grandpa Geiser passed away.

When I was in Indiana for the holidays, I sat down with my Grandma Geiser over tea and she shared stories about her family.

Her father was my Great Grandpa Frank. She told me about how he was sent away to Great Uncle John’s farm every summer because he was always getting into trouble. He was ornery even as he grew older.

“Your Great Grandpa Frank did not get along with his mother-in-law. She was a very aristocratic woman,” Grandma Geiser said, nodding her head. She went on to explain that my Great, Great Grandma Roland found a book that traced her ancestry to a French King. She never forgot about it and made sure everyone around her knew it as well.

“One day," my Grandma Geiser said, "your Grandpa Frank and his mother-in-law were arguing. From another room family members could hear Great Grandma Roland bellowing, ‘I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE ROYAL BLOOD IN MY VEINS!’ To which Grandpa Frank shot back, ‘I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE THE BLOOD OF PIRATES WHO SAILED THE HIGH SEAS IN MY VEINS!’” My Grandma pounded her fist on the table and laughed.

I wish I could have met both of these relatives because I would have loved them. I knew my passionate nature had to come from somewhere! Who would have thought that it came from descendants of pirates and kings?

“A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, January 10

Ants. Ants. Ants.

I have lived in Florida for over two years and never experienced the infamous ant infestations I heard so often about from the locals.

When we moved into our house the previous tenant, Connie, had so graciously offered a warning about the little critters by placing tiny ant stickers on the floral wallpaper in the kitchen. These stickers started near the countertop and formed an ant line up the wall.

I was naive enough to think that we would be ok. Little did I know that those stickers where what you call foreshadowing.

This morning I ate my bagel, drank my coffee and listened to Colbie Caillat. Unbeknownst to me, between the time I had prepared my breakfast and the time I was licking the cream cheese from my fingers, hundreds of ants had invaded my kitchen and my countertop was covered with the little boogers.

I tried to take a picture of the event with my cell phone (It didn't turn out that well). Then I proceeded to slaughter every single ant using a wet paper towel.





I used to think that the ants never bothered us because I kept our house soooooo clean.

Yeah right.

Reality check.

They just don't like the cold weather outside. They don't give a rip about the crumbs on my counter when they are faced with imminent death by freezing.

I have since checked my counter every 10 minutes for any hint of ant activity. If they return, I will get out the bug spray.

Lesson learned Connie. Thanks for the stickers. I will listen next time.

Thursday, January 7

And So It Begins...

Hello world. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Allison.



I live in Florida...





although my heart has always been in Indiana.





This is my husband of almost 7 years. His name is Lynn.





And this is our dog, Maddy. We decided when she was a puppy that she is either the smartest dog we know or there is something wrong with her head. We think it is a little bit of both.





We have traveled overseas and hope to do it again.









And we have had our ups and downs just like any other person who is reading this post. I had a miscarriage in September of 2008. I almost lost my life. My father passed away two weeks after my grandfather in July of 2009.







In the midst of the hard times I am so thankful for my mother, brother and two sisters.

Brenda



Sean



Ashley



Audra



World, this is a little glimpse into my life. I invite you to join me each week as I try to figure out how to embrace each day as a journey and maybe, just maybe, to have some adventures.

Hello World. Here I come.