Experience is a Doorway, Not a Final Destination- Oswald Chambers

Wednesday, April 28

Dear God, I Want to Learn About Periods Again

I am a planner.  I like to know what I am getting myself into.

I think it was my mother who instilled this in me when I was in fourth grade and she took me to the restaurant called Chi-Chi's to give me The Talk. I stuffed my face with chips and salsa while we talked about sex, boobs, penis' and periods.  She even showed me a book with pictures.  I knew what to expect.  That is why I never wanted to grow up.  Periods and penis' scared me.

You didn't click on my blog link to read about my realization of how babies are made, so I will move on.

This desire to know what lies ahead seems like a contradiction in my ever-tangled brain because I also like being sporadic and adventurous.  Whenever I take a personality test, I am more of the outgoing, leader type, but am pretty balanced when it comes to the other two.  It could mean that I have no idea as to who I am or that I am a well-rounded individual.  I'd like to think the latter, but I have a notion that it is really the former. I sometimes have that Zoolander dilemma, where he looks into the puddle and asks, "Who am I?"

As some of you know, my husband quit his job at Sweetwater a few weeks ago.  He is working in his studio full time.  I have NO CLUE where we will be in a month, let alone a week.  Will we be out of Grabill?  Will we be in a different state? What do I want to do with my life? Ah!

I don't know if you have ever had the feeling, but the past few years I've been surrounded by a constant sea squall and all I can do is grasp onto the edge of the ship and puke my guts out from seasickness.

I know that I DO have a foundation to cling to and that the storm will pass at some point. I catch myself praying that I can just BE, that there will be no more death and my stomach will settle.  But then, I look back and see that I am stronger because I didn't know what would happen and made it through.

I sometimes wish life was like that night at Chi-Chi's.  I want to eat my Mexican food and for someone to spell it all out for me.   Anyone up for some salsa?


Jenny C said...

You totally could have slipped in "Swallowed by the great blue transparency" in this post. Or wait... maybe you did, without literally putting it in there. Setting us up. Like a shadow. Or a foreshadow. Or something. Anyway... I love some good salsa

SearchingforMe said...

Whenever I have taken any one of those personality tests all four are almost the same score! So I totally get what you are saying about that. I will be praying that the Lord gives you calm over the next several months... and faith in Him and that He knows what He is doing! :)

allisongraber said...

Jenny- You are right! "Swallowed by the great blue transparency" would have fit in this post. I planned it, you know. (I actually didn't, but it is kind of scary how much the phrase fits.)

Megan- We should start a club called the Multiple Personality Club. What do you say? I am totally in.