My blog has moved to Whimbly.com.
Please go to the site for updated postings. For questions, please email me at allison@whimbly.com.
Friday, May 14
Thursday, May 13
Important! New Web Site!
In the interest of taking my blogging to the next level, I would like to announce that I have decided to start my own web site!
You read right. Hello world, my blog can now be found at whimbly.com. My new site includes the same blogs, comment options and information. I will still post on my blogspot site for a few weeks along with updating my web site.
Why Whimbly for a name, do you ask? Well, I liked how the word Whimbly rolls off of my tongue and the word sounds, oh I don't know, whimsical and bubbly (hence the name Whimbly).
Say Whimbly ten times over. That right there is why I picked the name.
I have also started a fan page on Facebook and you can follow me on Twitter.
I am so excited you all. Did I say WHIMBLY.COM?
whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly
You read right. Hello world, my blog can now be found at whimbly.com. My new site includes the same blogs, comment options and information. I will still post on my blogspot site for a few weeks along with updating my web site.
Why Whimbly for a name, do you ask? Well, I liked how the word Whimbly rolls off of my tongue and the word sounds, oh I don't know, whimsical and bubbly (hence the name Whimbly).
Say Whimbly ten times over. That right there is why I picked the name.
I have also started a fan page on Facebook and you can follow me on Twitter.
I am so excited you all. Did I say WHIMBLY.COM?
whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly whimbly
Wednesday, May 12
Conversations with Lynn: On Getting Dressed
Sitting on the Edge of the Bed Wearing a Freshly Washed Pair of Jeans
Lynn: Can you put my socks on for me? I KNOW I'm not gonna be able to bend over in these jeans.
He then sprawled out on the bed, held up his sock and lifted his foot.
Lynn: Can you put my socks on for me? I KNOW I'm not gonna be able to bend over in these jeans.
He then sprawled out on the bed, held up his sock and lifted his foot.
Tuesday, May 11
Ice Cream and Headstones
This last Sunday was the first Mother's Day that we celebrated after losing dad. He used to plan the day. We knew it would be a rough one so decided to do something different.
We made quiche and parfaits for brunch for my mother. Instead of going to Pokagon State Park, like we had planned, my mom wanted to go to the cemetery where her mother was buried and peruse the headstones.
It may seem sacrilegious for some, but we bought ice cream and we ate it while we walked among the headstones of those who have gone before us. I only mention this because as I was thinking about my family's life over the last year and a half, it is like we have been walking in a graveyard full of death and are forced to act as if everything is normal - eating ice cream on the graves of those we have lost.
Sometimes we have no choice but to move forward and live life although everything around us seems so bleak. Don't let the shadows of the past keep you from enjoying the sweet things that life has to offer.
We made quiche and parfaits for brunch for my mother. Instead of going to Pokagon State Park, like we had planned, my mom wanted to go to the cemetery where her mother was buried and peruse the headstones.
It may seem sacrilegious for some, but we bought ice cream and we ate it while we walked among the headstones of those who have gone before us. I only mention this because as I was thinking about my family's life over the last year and a half, it is like we have been walking in a graveyard full of death and are forced to act as if everything is normal - eating ice cream on the graves of those we have lost.
Sometimes we have no choice but to move forward and live life although everything around us seems so bleak. Don't let the shadows of the past keep you from enjoying the sweet things that life has to offer.
Monday, May 10
Cell Phone, I Don't Want to Die
If you recall, my number one pet peeve is when someone throws trash out of a car window. Right up there with it is when someone is texting/browsing the Internet and driving. I don't want to die.
So, the other day when I noticed my husband conspicuously pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, I kindly, but assertively reminded him that he loves me and doesn't want me to die in a tragic car accident because he got a Facebook notification.
In response he did this-
I could have thrown that iPhone out of the car window.
So, the other day when I noticed my husband conspicuously pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, I kindly, but assertively reminded him that he loves me and doesn't want me to die in a tragic car accident because he got a Facebook notification.
In response he did this-
I could have thrown that iPhone out of the car window.
Monday, May 3
The Lunatic Burglars
Do you remember when you first held your driver's license in your hand and you thought you could conquer the world? I would volunteer to help my parent's out with anything that required that I drive into town. I wanted to drive everywhere.
I believe I was 16 or 17 years old when, one night, my sister and I were heading home from a youth group function. It was after midnight and I was driving (of course). About three miles from home and in the middle of nowhere, the car died. It sputtered it's last breath and I was able to maneuver the car to the side of the road.
This was before the time of cell phones so we knew we had two options.
1. Walk home
2. Knock on a stranger's door and ask to use a phone.
Instead of braving the darkness and a long walk, we decided to look for the most child-friendly house and beg for help. A short ways down the road we spotted a farmhouse with tricycles and playthings in the yard. We walked up the porch steps and knocked on the door.
It was silent.
I knocked again.
Nothing.
I knocked louder.
From the shadowy recesses of the kitchen we saw a woman, wearing only a long, ugly t-shirt, dive into the next room. Her husband ran across the same way a few seconds later and he was clutching a baseball bat.
I realized that they probably thought we were scary, murderous lunatics who were out to get them. I tried to explain through the door that I was not there to murder them.
It didn't work.
The woman peered around the corner and she had a phone in her hand. Seeing this, I mustered up every ounce of courage I had and after assuring Ashley that I knew what I was doing, I cried fake tears to prove I was serious. I even added a crack in my voice.
"We're teenagers and our car isn't wor-r-r-king. Can we please use your phone? We're teenagers. Can you help us? Ple-e-ease?" And I cried. I was good.
The woman slowly made her way to the door and realizing that we were in fact ignorant teenagers, put down the phone and let us in.
We made it home about a half hour later. I am sure that it took that family awhile to fall back asleep.
Two things changed after that fateful night.
1. I was less eager to run errands for my parents
2. I never ran out of gas again. Never.
I believe I was 16 or 17 years old when, one night, my sister and I were heading home from a youth group function. It was after midnight and I was driving (of course). About three miles from home and in the middle of nowhere, the car died. It sputtered it's last breath and I was able to maneuver the car to the side of the road.
This was before the time of cell phones so we knew we had two options.
1. Walk home
2. Knock on a stranger's door and ask to use a phone.
Instead of braving the darkness and a long walk, we decided to look for the most child-friendly house and beg for help. A short ways down the road we spotted a farmhouse with tricycles and playthings in the yard. We walked up the porch steps and knocked on the door.
It was silent.
I knocked again.
Nothing.
I knocked louder.
From the shadowy recesses of the kitchen we saw a woman, wearing only a long, ugly t-shirt, dive into the next room. Her husband ran across the same way a few seconds later and he was clutching a baseball bat.
I realized that they probably thought we were scary, murderous lunatics who were out to get them. I tried to explain through the door that I was not there to murder them.
It didn't work.
The woman peered around the corner and she had a phone in her hand. Seeing this, I mustered up every ounce of courage I had and after assuring Ashley that I knew what I was doing, I cried fake tears to prove I was serious. I even added a crack in my voice.
"We're teenagers and our car isn't wor-r-r-king. Can we please use your phone? We're teenagers. Can you help us? Ple-e-ease?" And I cried. I was good.
The woman slowly made her way to the door and realizing that we were in fact ignorant teenagers, put down the phone and let us in.
We made it home about a half hour later. I am sure that it took that family awhile to fall back asleep.
Two things changed after that fateful night.
1. I was less eager to run errands for my parents
2. I never ran out of gas again. Never.
Friday, April 30
Resting My Brain
Some days it is necessary to be quiet. Not the hold-your-tongue-when-someone-says-something-stupid quiet, but the I-need-to-rest-my-brain quiet.
When I lived in Florida, I spent a lot of time alone because we were only able to make a few close connections there due to the short duration of our stay and the lack of money to do much of anything. Now that I am in Indiana and actually go out on the weekends or spend time with people in the evenings, I realize how important it is to set aside a time of silence where I can just BE.
When was the last time you weren’t bombarded with music, television or the Internet? If it has been over a week, take time today to do it. It is refreshing. You might just learn something new about yourself.
When I lived in Florida, I spent a lot of time alone because we were only able to make a few close connections there due to the short duration of our stay and the lack of money to do much of anything. Now that I am in Indiana and actually go out on the weekends or spend time with people in the evenings, I realize how important it is to set aside a time of silence where I can just BE.
When was the last time you weren’t bombarded with music, television or the Internet? If it has been over a week, take time today to do it. It is refreshing. You might just learn something new about yourself.
Thursday, April 29
Wednesday, April 28
Dear God, I Want to Learn About Periods Again
I am a planner. I like to know what I am getting myself into.
I think it was my mother who instilled this in me when I was in fourth grade and she took me to the restaurant called Chi-Chi's to give me The Talk. I stuffed my face with chips and salsa while we talked about sex, boobs, penis' and periods. She even showed me a book with pictures. I knew what to expect. That is why I never wanted to grow up. Periods and penis' scared me.
You didn't click on my blog link to read about my realization of how babies are made, so I will move on.
This desire to know what lies ahead seems like a contradiction in my ever-tangled brain because I also like being sporadic and adventurous. Whenever I take a personality test, I am more of the outgoing, leader type, but am pretty balanced when it comes to the other two. It could mean that I have no idea as to who I am or that I am a well-rounded individual. I'd like to think the latter, but I have a notion that it is really the former. I sometimes have that Zoolander dilemma, where he looks into the puddle and asks, "Who am I?"
As some of you know, my husband quit his job at Sweetwater a few weeks ago. He is working in his studio full time. I have NO CLUE where we will be in a month, let alone a week. Will we be out of Grabill? Will we be in a different state? What do I want to do with my life? Ah!
I don't know if you have ever had the feeling, but the past few years I've been surrounded by a constant sea squall and all I can do is grasp onto the edge of the ship and puke my guts out from seasickness.
I know that I DO have a foundation to cling to and that the storm will pass at some point. I catch myself praying that I can just BE, that there will be no more death and my stomach will settle. But then, I look back and see that I am stronger because I didn't know what would happen and made it through.
I sometimes wish life was like that night at Chi-Chi's. I want to eat my Mexican food and for someone to spell it all out for me. Anyone up for some salsa?
I think it was my mother who instilled this in me when I was in fourth grade and she took me to the restaurant called Chi-Chi's to give me The Talk. I stuffed my face with chips and salsa while we talked about sex, boobs, penis' and periods. She even showed me a book with pictures. I knew what to expect. That is why I never wanted to grow up. Periods and penis' scared me.
You didn't click on my blog link to read about my realization of how babies are made, so I will move on.
This desire to know what lies ahead seems like a contradiction in my ever-tangled brain because I also like being sporadic and adventurous. Whenever I take a personality test, I am more of the outgoing, leader type, but am pretty balanced when it comes to the other two. It could mean that I have no idea as to who I am or that I am a well-rounded individual. I'd like to think the latter, but I have a notion that it is really the former. I sometimes have that Zoolander dilemma, where he looks into the puddle and asks, "Who am I?"
As some of you know, my husband quit his job at Sweetwater a few weeks ago. He is working in his studio full time. I have NO CLUE where we will be in a month, let alone a week. Will we be out of Grabill? Will we be in a different state? What do I want to do with my life? Ah!
I don't know if you have ever had the feeling, but the past few years I've been surrounded by a constant sea squall and all I can do is grasp onto the edge of the ship and puke my guts out from seasickness.
I know that I DO have a foundation to cling to and that the storm will pass at some point. I catch myself praying that I can just BE, that there will be no more death and my stomach will settle. But then, I look back and see that I am stronger because I didn't know what would happen and made it through.
I sometimes wish life was like that night at Chi-Chi's. I want to eat my Mexican food and for someone to spell it all out for me. Anyone up for some salsa?
Tuesday, April 27
Conversations with Lynn: On Helping
While Sitting in the Living Room
Lynn: I really help you, don't I?
Me: Yes you do.
Lynn: I come up with those sentences that add the extra seasoning to your writing.
Me: Sure do.
Lynn: What about, 'swallowed by the great blue transparency'?
Me: What?
Lynn: Swallowed by the great blue transparency- I like that. Use that in your writing.
Me: Sure thing. When I am writing about drowning in a large ocean, I will make sure to use it.
Lynn: I really help you, don't I?
Me: Yes you do.
Lynn: I come up with those sentences that add the extra seasoning to your writing.
Me: Sure do.
Lynn: What about, 'swallowed by the great blue transparency'?
Me: What?
Lynn: Swallowed by the great blue transparency- I like that. Use that in your writing.
Me: Sure thing. When I am writing about drowning in a large ocean, I will make sure to use it.
Monday, April 26
Bill Gates the Orkin Man
Today we had a visit from the Orkin man so that we could slaughter the carpenter ants that have infested our cabinets.
I thought that we must have like 10,000 ants based on the amount of wood shavings in the kitchen, but Bob the bug man said it was more like a few thousand. I am actually amazed that the cabinets are still intact.
I thought that we must have like 10,000 ants based on the amount of wood shavings in the kitchen, but Bob the bug man said it was more like a few thousand. I am actually amazed that the cabinets are still intact.
Bob was exactly how I picture a pest control man to be- friendly, a little different and wearing glasses.
He reminded me of this guy:
After he told me stories from his most interesting bug assassinations, we stood in front of the cabinet where he sprayed and watched them drop from the nest in pain. We laughed evil laughs and I smashed the dying ants to put them out of their misery.
Mwha-ha-ha.
When I lived in Florida I ran an ever-growing list in my mind of the types of animals that could kill or maim me.
Alligators
Black Bears
Panthers
Black or Brown Widow Spiders
Any Kind of Snake
Jellyfish
Sharks
Fire Ants
That rat that ran across our fence in the backyard every evening
I could only think of a few animals that could harm me in Indiana- the worst being a snapping turtle. Second on the list are cute little bunnies. Third place is now awarded to carpenter ants.
I will probably spend all day today standing in front of the cabinet, smashing ants. Who needs television?
Friday, April 23
Worms, Shiners and Superman
I spent yesterday evening at my mother's house. It is so relaxing to be in the country. We sat on the front deck and took it all in.
My mother's Flowering Crab Tree in the front yard. Can you see the moon?
Brody would not leave Maddy alone. I wish I could have captured the snarling look on Maddy's face whenever Brody stuck his nose where it didn't belong.
Audra mutilating a tentworm nest. Yes.
Lynn said, "I have a shiner." For those of you non-Indiana peeps, a shiner is a black-eye.
Ashley with her Clark Kent glasses on.
My mother's Flowering Crab Tree in the front yard. Can you see the moon?
Brody would not leave Maddy alone. I wish I could have captured the snarling look on Maddy's face whenever Brody stuck his nose where it didn't belong.
Audra mutilating a tentworm nest. Yes.
Lynn said, "I have a shiner." For those of you non-Indiana peeps, a shiner is a black-eye.
Ashley with her Clark Kent glasses on.
Thursday, April 22
Take That, Coffee Cozy
I went to a women's retreat this last weekend and had a blast. Good times Laotto Wesleyan ladies, good times. Not only did I learn how to make a fire with Kleenex, but I was enlightened as to my life's calling. I, ladies and gentlemen, was introduced to the wonderful world of felting.
Yes, I literally made felt.
You simply take a felting needle (small with barbs on the end), poke it through wool and shape something you want. You jab the wool until it meshes together.
Voila! Felt. You can make bracelets, gloves, a coffee cozy or even coasters.
When I left the retreat I was determined to buy roving (wool) and felt to my hearts content. It is a stress reliever. I don't have a job....stab that wool. I really want that brownie....take that, coffee cozy.
After searching high and low for the wool, I found a few small packets at Jo-ann's Fabric and Craft Store and spent last evening felting.
Below are my two beautiful creations. Keep in mind that I am a beginner. Be kind.
Yes, I literally made felt.
You simply take a felting needle (small with barbs on the end), poke it through wool and shape something you want. You jab the wool until it meshes together.
Voila! Felt. You can make bracelets, gloves, a coffee cozy or even coasters.
When I left the retreat I was determined to buy roving (wool) and felt to my hearts content. It is a stress reliever. I don't have a job....stab that wool. I really want that brownie....take that, coffee cozy.
After searching high and low for the wool, I found a few small packets at Jo-ann's Fabric and Craft Store and spent last evening felting.
Below are my two beautiful creations. Keep in mind that I am a beginner. Be kind.
Wednesday, April 21
Embracing the Flatulence
Last night we moved into a small trailer on my in-law's property. We had lived in this trailer before moving to Florida and vowed never to live there again. God thought it would be funny to teach me once more to never say never.
It is a temporary move until we find a more permanent place so we are using the furniture that is already set up. This includes sleeping on a full size bed. I didn't think it was that big of a deal to sleep on a full size comforter when I was first married. I really enjoyed cuddling. Now, we have either become too selfish with our space or gained a few pounds, because it was anything but comfortable.
After tossing and turning last night, I woke up at 4:00am to the water softener making swishing noises every five seconds (I am so not exaggerating). In between the sounds, our dog's stomach was growling. Adding to the symphony was my husband's morning flatulence that is louder than a blow horn.
It was driving me mad. I almost went to the couch to sleep. Almost.
Sometimes when you are in a place that you don't want to be, you just have to go with the flow (like braving the dutch oven that is created under the covers after my husband's morning ritual). Other times, it is necessary to break the pattern and try something new.
Right now Lynn and I are in that waiting place, where the road could lead to anywhere. There are more details to come, so stay tuned. We might just be embracing something new.
It is a temporary move until we find a more permanent place so we are using the furniture that is already set up. This includes sleeping on a full size bed. I didn't think it was that big of a deal to sleep on a full size comforter when I was first married. I really enjoyed cuddling. Now, we have either become too selfish with our space or gained a few pounds, because it was anything but comfortable.
After tossing and turning last night, I woke up at 4:00am to the water softener making swishing noises every five seconds (I am so not exaggerating). In between the sounds, our dog's stomach was growling. Adding to the symphony was my husband's morning flatulence that is louder than a blow horn.
It was driving me mad. I almost went to the couch to sleep. Almost.
Sometimes when you are in a place that you don't want to be, you just have to go with the flow (like braving the dutch oven that is created under the covers after my husband's morning ritual). Other times, it is necessary to break the pattern and try something new.
Right now Lynn and I are in that waiting place, where the road could lead to anywhere. There are more details to come, so stay tuned. We might just be embracing something new.
Tuesday, April 20
Meat and Nightmares
I need to hear your opinion, oh wise ones-
I am thinking about cutting red meat out of my diet as well as going all natural. Thoughts? Concerns? Am I crazy? Do you have to be handsomely wealthy to even ponder such a thought?
I just recently watched Food, Inc. and it made me want to become a hermit, plant a garden, live on a farm and boycott most of the food in the grocery stores. If you haven't seen it, do (unless you have a phobia of giant corporations- then it will give you nightmares).
On my first trip to the grocery store after watching the show, I winced while passing by the red meat aisle. All I could think was, there is ammonia in that there meat. And did you know that almost every package of hot dogs contains corn syrup? Gag.
I am surrounded by farmers and gardeners, so I have options. Should I take the plunge?
I am thinking about cutting red meat out of my diet as well as going all natural. Thoughts? Concerns? Am I crazy? Do you have to be handsomely wealthy to even ponder such a thought?
I just recently watched Food, Inc. and it made me want to become a hermit, plant a garden, live on a farm and boycott most of the food in the grocery stores. If you haven't seen it, do (unless you have a phobia of giant corporations- then it will give you nightmares).
On my first trip to the grocery store after watching the show, I winced while passing by the red meat aisle. All I could think was, there is ammonia in that there meat. And did you know that almost every package of hot dogs contains corn syrup? Gag.
I am surrounded by farmers and gardeners, so I have options. Should I take the plunge?
Monday, April 19
My Dad's Birthday
Today, April 19, was my father's birthday.
I didn't plan to be the sentimentally gushy one on this day but here I am- reliving the week he died and every day since. I can't (and refuse to) pretend that this day is as equally important to those of you who are reading this, but it lessens the load a bit, to know that I can share these thoughts with you. That, at this moment, someone is thinking the same thoughts of my father that I am.
The first night my family was back in Indiana after dad's death, we looked through his nightstand and dresser to see all of the trinkets and papers that he had collected.
In his dresser we noticed a small tin that had been sealed with duct tape. Upon opening the tin, we found a wad of dog hair that belonged to Bailey, our favorite dog. For those of you who don't know, Bailey died on New Years Eve last year.
Audra remembered a conversation with dad before he died, where he told her that if cloning becomes common in the future, we could clone Bailey using the dog hair that he saved. Only my dad, Mr. Dreamer, would have thought to save dog hair. I laugh every time I think about it.
Below is a letter that I found in his nightstand. I had sent it to him on his birthday last year. When we buried him, I placed it in his casket and said goodbye.
Dad:
I have been thinking about you a lot over the past few weeks.
I am so blessed to have a father like you. I think back to all the good memories I have of my childhood. I remember when you would let us “raid” your truck- even when you knew we had been sneaking candy behind your back. I remember how you dreamed about building the house in the country and how, because of you, we were able to grow up surrounded by space.
I remember how you always practiced pitching with me. You made it to every game and helped coach my softball team. I remember your kisses and the red IU shorts you used to wear.
I love you dad. I am so grateful for your consistent presence in my life. You gave your time and your energy. When Lynn remarks that I do something that reminds him of you, I count it as a compliment. So many children don’t have the privilege of having a father. You are so much more than that. You have impacted my life immensely.
Thank you Dad. I love you.
Allison
I didn't plan to be the sentimentally gushy one on this day but here I am- reliving the week he died and every day since. I can't (and refuse to) pretend that this day is as equally important to those of you who are reading this, but it lessens the load a bit, to know that I can share these thoughts with you. That, at this moment, someone is thinking the same thoughts of my father that I am.
The first night my family was back in Indiana after dad's death, we looked through his nightstand and dresser to see all of the trinkets and papers that he had collected.
In his dresser we noticed a small tin that had been sealed with duct tape. Upon opening the tin, we found a wad of dog hair that belonged to Bailey, our favorite dog. For those of you who don't know, Bailey died on New Years Eve last year.
Audra remembered a conversation with dad before he died, where he told her that if cloning becomes common in the future, we could clone Bailey using the dog hair that he saved. Only my dad, Mr. Dreamer, would have thought to save dog hair. I laugh every time I think about it.
Below is a letter that I found in his nightstand. I had sent it to him on his birthday last year. When we buried him, I placed it in his casket and said goodbye.
Dad:
I have been thinking about you a lot over the past few weeks.
I am so blessed to have a father like you. I think back to all the good memories I have of my childhood. I remember when you would let us “raid” your truck- even when you knew we had been sneaking candy behind your back. I remember how you dreamed about building the house in the country and how, because of you, we were able to grow up surrounded by space.
I remember how you always practiced pitching with me. You made it to every game and helped coach my softball team. I remember your kisses and the red IU shorts you used to wear.
I love you dad. I am so grateful for your consistent presence in my life. You gave your time and your energy. When Lynn remarks that I do something that reminds him of you, I count it as a compliment. So many children don’t have the privilege of having a father. You are so much more than that. You have impacted my life immensely.
Thank you Dad. I love you.
Allison
Friday, April 16
We are NOT Related
On a recent trip to Headwater's Park in downtown Fort Wayne, I told my sister and mother that I wanted to take a picture, so please act normal. This was the response.
Thursday, April 15
I Want to Grow a Mustache
I am almost finished reading the book Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. It is a little disturbing, I must say. I have never read something so anti everything else I have ever read.
Heathcliff-you scare me.
Recently my sister, mother and I have decided that we are going to read through a handful of books and get together for coffee every few weeks to see how we are progressing.
We are jokingly calling our group the Classic City Classic Club. Can you guess the types of books we are going to read?
It appeals to me because I want to smoke a cigar, sit in an armchair with a red velvet robe and discuss the eloquent way in which literature (say it "liter-ah-teur") has enriched our lives. Somehow in this visualization I am a balding man, I have a handlebar mustache and speak in a British accent.
Our reading list includes:
1. Nineteen Eighty-Four By George Orwell
2. The Grapes of Wrath By John Steinbeck
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote
4. Middlemarch by George Eliot (Marian Evans)
5. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Plus many more.
We are going to start with The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Any other suggestions? It must be a classic. After all, this is the Classic City Classic Club.
Heathcliff-you scare me.
Recently my sister, mother and I have decided that we are going to read through a handful of books and get together for coffee every few weeks to see how we are progressing.
We are jokingly calling our group the Classic City Classic Club. Can you guess the types of books we are going to read?
It appeals to me because I want to smoke a cigar, sit in an armchair with a red velvet robe and discuss the eloquent way in which literature (say it "liter-ah-teur") has enriched our lives. Somehow in this visualization I am a balding man, I have a handlebar mustache and speak in a British accent.
Our reading list includes:
1. Nineteen Eighty-Four By George Orwell
2. The Grapes of Wrath By John Steinbeck
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote
4. Middlemarch by George Eliot (Marian Evans)
5. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Plus many more.
We are going to start with The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Any other suggestions? It must be a classic. After all, this is the Classic City Classic Club.
Wednesday, April 14
Deutsch Therapy
To be honest with you, this week I have been in a grumpy mood. It doesn't happen that often but this time it has lasted for days.
Days.
You have heard this over and over again in the media but I cannot find a job. We are soooo not settled in Indiana yet. I could go on about this, but I won't.
At times life does not go the way you planned. Sometimes it seems everything ugly in the universe aligns to produce the suckiness - every snot faced, growling, grotesque thing. There are those days as well when there is no reason to be grumpy, but you just ARE.
When I am down in the dumps I find it helps to randomly shout out German words.
Hilfe! Puppenstube! Nein!
It doesn't matter what the words mean, but for some reason I feel relief after saying them. Try it. Shout out NEIN in a gruff voice and tell me that you don't feel better when you have a bad day.
Days.
You have heard this over and over again in the media but I cannot find a job. We are soooo not settled in Indiana yet. I could go on about this, but I won't.
At times life does not go the way you planned. Sometimes it seems everything ugly in the universe aligns to produce the suckiness - every snot faced, growling, grotesque thing. There are those days as well when there is no reason to be grumpy, but you just ARE.
When I am down in the dumps I find it helps to randomly shout out German words.
Hilfe! Puppenstube! Nein!
It doesn't matter what the words mean, but for some reason I feel relief after saying them. Try it. Shout out NEIN in a gruff voice and tell me that you don't feel better when you have a bad day.
Tuesday, April 13
Creepy Creeperton
Monday, April 12
Fishing with Schwarzenegger
A few years ago, when I was going through a mellow music listening stage, my husband surprised me with tickets to a Josh Groban concert. Judge me if you will. My eyes glistened when I heard You Raise Me Up the first one hundred times on the radio. I admit it.
In between EVERY song Groban would stand on the stage and bask in all the fame. Girls yelled out, "I love you Josh!" or "Will you marry me?" Instead of moving on and singing, like we paid him to do, he would smile, point out at the audience and say, "I love you too." FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AT A TIME. I wanted to shout "Get over yourself and sing!"
I didn't yell (I should have), but it made me think.
Why is it that we are obsessed with celebrities in our culture? I do not have any really exciting stories about a celebrity run-in but I realized that I have a ready-made list in my mind of the celebrities that I have seen, just in case the topic is brought up in a conversation.
Do I do this because if I am associated by some trivial encounter I am more important? Hmmmm.....
Below is the list. Be prepared to be amazed. Or not.
1. Jay Leno (I was too young to get into his show, so I kind of snuck in. I thought I could pass for 18. It worked.)
2. Susan Sarandon on The Tonight Show
3. Robert Downey Jr. walking down Rodeo Drive at dusk. Yes.
4. Slater from Saved By the Bell shooting a movie on Venice Beach
5. That kid from The Sixth Sense on The Tonight Show
6.Carrot Top while I was working out at L.A. Fitness in Winter Park- all I can say is that he has to be on steroids and he is red from his head to his feet.
7. I dreamt once that I went fishing with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does that count?
Which celebrities have you encountered? Amaze me.
In between EVERY song Groban would stand on the stage and bask in all the fame. Girls yelled out, "I love you Josh!" or "Will you marry me?" Instead of moving on and singing, like we paid him to do, he would smile, point out at the audience and say, "I love you too." FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AT A TIME. I wanted to shout "Get over yourself and sing!"
I didn't yell (I should have), but it made me think.
Why is it that we are obsessed with celebrities in our culture? I do not have any really exciting stories about a celebrity run-in but I realized that I have a ready-made list in my mind of the celebrities that I have seen, just in case the topic is brought up in a conversation.
Do I do this because if I am associated by some trivial encounter I am more important? Hmmmm.....
Below is the list. Be prepared to be amazed. Or not.
1. Jay Leno (I was too young to get into his show, so I kind of snuck in. I thought I could pass for 18. It worked.)
2. Susan Sarandon on The Tonight Show
3. Robert Downey Jr. walking down Rodeo Drive at dusk. Yes.
4. Slater from Saved By the Bell shooting a movie on Venice Beach
5. That kid from The Sixth Sense on The Tonight Show
6.Carrot Top while I was working out at L.A. Fitness in Winter Park- all I can say is that he has to be on steroids and he is red from his head to his feet.
7. I dreamt once that I went fishing with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does that count?
Which celebrities have you encountered? Amaze me.
Friday, April 9
Death to Carrots
I am an analyzer. You name it and I probably have mulled over the thing, person, place or idea in my head at some point in my life.
I most enjoy analyzing people- especially when they are doing something I wouldn't do. There are times I decide that I want to try that thing or do what that person does, because there HAS to be a reason to do it or like it or eat it.
For example, I have never particularly enjoyed the taste of peas and carrots (specifically cooked peas or fresh carrots). Gross. I know there is a reason why people eat these vegetables. Someday I will figure it out.
I try a carrot every once in a while just in case my tastebuds have matured.
For example, the day I learned that my father had died and was flying to Indiana to be with my family, the stewardess passed around a small package of carrots for each of the passengers. I remember thinking, I might as well get used to doing things I don't want to do. I ate every last raw carrot.
I still hate the taste of them.
Next up? British Comedy. My sister and I are going to spend an evening watching British Comedy on PBS because, gosh darn it, I am going to learn to like it (or at least appreciate it). I have always wanted to be British... and funny.
I most enjoy analyzing people- especially when they are doing something I wouldn't do. There are times I decide that I want to try that thing or do what that person does, because there HAS to be a reason to do it or like it or eat it.
For example, I have never particularly enjoyed the taste of peas and carrots (specifically cooked peas or fresh carrots). Gross. I know there is a reason why people eat these vegetables. Someday I will figure it out.
I try a carrot every once in a while just in case my tastebuds have matured.
For example, the day I learned that my father had died and was flying to Indiana to be with my family, the stewardess passed around a small package of carrots for each of the passengers. I remember thinking, I might as well get used to doing things I don't want to do. I ate every last raw carrot.
I still hate the taste of them.
Next up? British Comedy. My sister and I are going to spend an evening watching British Comedy on PBS because, gosh darn it, I am going to learn to like it (or at least appreciate it). I have always wanted to be British... and funny.
Thursday, April 8
Cigarettes, Freaky-Looking Elves and My Childhood
When I was young my family lived on Urban Avenue in Auburn. It was a lower-middle class neighborhood with small, mostly clean cut houses. I drove by our old house the other day while I was with my mother. It made me think of that time in my life.
One boy on the street was popular because he used to live in Mississippi. Mississippi was hard to spell, so we all thought it was exotic. He tried to get me to kiss him and I refused. He then talked my sister into kissing him with the offer of a necklace. She did it and I told mom and dad. Oh what a wonderful older sister. I think I just wanted the necklace.
We also had a neighbor who filled her yard with trash, tables, lawn ornaments and freaky-looking elves. My only memory of talking to this woman was the day she was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette.
I walked over to her porch and sat next to her. I was six.
"Did you know that if you smoke, you can die?" I said seriously. I wasn't sure if she had been told and felt it was my duty.
"Yeah, I heard that somewhere," she said as she blew a large puff of smoke into the air.
From the looks of the elves and globes in her yard last week, it appears as if she is still alive. She may have taken my advice. I would like to think that six-year-old me had something to do with making sure that her freaky elves lived to grace Urban Avenue with their presence for a few extra years.
One boy on the street was popular because he used to live in Mississippi. Mississippi was hard to spell, so we all thought it was exotic. He tried to get me to kiss him and I refused. He then talked my sister into kissing him with the offer of a necklace. She did it and I told mom and dad. Oh what a wonderful older sister. I think I just wanted the necklace.
We also had a neighbor who filled her yard with trash, tables, lawn ornaments and freaky-looking elves. My only memory of talking to this woman was the day she was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette.
I walked over to her porch and sat next to her. I was six.
"Did you know that if you smoke, you can die?" I said seriously. I wasn't sure if she had been told and felt it was my duty.
"Yeah, I heard that somewhere," she said as she blew a large puff of smoke into the air.
From the looks of the elves and globes in her yard last week, it appears as if she is still alive. She may have taken my advice. I would like to think that six-year-old me had something to do with making sure that her freaky elves lived to grace Urban Avenue with their presence for a few extra years.
Wednesday, April 7
My Husband the Amish Man?
When my husband and I were first married he had long hair- black ringlets that most women swooned over because they would kill for hair like his. (Don't tell him I told you that.)
An Amish relative had passed away and we were on our way to the funeral. I'm worried that I might offend some of the Amish there because of the length of my hair, my husband said. I told him not to worry about it. We wouldn't be at the funeral for very long.
When we arrived at the small white church, we stood in line to pass by the casket and say our condolences.
As we entered the sanctuary, an Amish man in the front of the room took off his black hat. His hair, which had been combed over his bald spot, fell from the top of his head and past his shoulders. It was inches longer than my husband's hair! Our eyes from that point forward were glued to the front of the room where we noticed that most of the older men who had bald spots grew their hair out that way.
That'll teach me to judge someone based on preconceived notions. I didn't check for earrings though. Hmmm... Should I have checked for hidden earrings?
An Amish relative had passed away and we were on our way to the funeral. I'm worried that I might offend some of the Amish there because of the length of my hair, my husband said. I told him not to worry about it. We wouldn't be at the funeral for very long.
When we arrived at the small white church, we stood in line to pass by the casket and say our condolences.
As we entered the sanctuary, an Amish man in the front of the room took off his black hat. His hair, which had been combed over his bald spot, fell from the top of his head and past his shoulders. It was inches longer than my husband's hair! Our eyes from that point forward were glued to the front of the room where we noticed that most of the older men who had bald spots grew their hair out that way.
That'll teach me to judge someone based on preconceived notions. I didn't check for earrings though. Hmmm... Should I have checked for hidden earrings?
Tuesday, April 6
You Know it's a Bad Day When you Lose your Balls and you Have a Cone for a Head
I spent some time at my mother's house this past weekend. The family dog, Brody, just had his balls chopped off and his dew claws removed so he was forced to wear a cone around his neck. Poor guy.
I don't know what would be worse- losing your balls or having to maneuver around the house with a cone for a head.
He'd run into corners and my mom had to pull the coffee table away from the couch because his head couldn't fit through the space when he tried to walk there. Then frustration set in when he couldn't find a comfortable way to sleep and each time he'd throw himself down as if to say, I give up!
I couldn't stop laughing whenever I heard the plastic cone hit the couch, the window, my legs, the refrigerator....
Poor. Cute. Brody.
I don't know what would be worse- losing your balls or having to maneuver around the house with a cone for a head.
He'd run into corners and my mom had to pull the coffee table away from the couch because his head couldn't fit through the space when he tried to walk there. Then frustration set in when he couldn't find a comfortable way to sleep and each time he'd throw himself down as if to say, I give up!
I couldn't stop laughing whenever I heard the plastic cone hit the couch, the window, my legs, the refrigerator....
Poor. Cute. Brody.
Monday, April 5
Do it for the Children!
I don't have many pet peeves. I can usually understand why people do the things that they do, even if they are kind of annoying. This helps me to go through life with a good attitude.
But I have to say it. I can't stand it when someone throws trash out of their car window. CAN'T STAND IT!
I don't understand the thinking that goes behind this act. The only possible explanation that I can come up with is that the person is lazy.
Last night we were driving behind a vehicle sporting a "Committed to Education" license plate and as we sat at a red light the booger threw a package of cigarettes out of the window. Are you serious? Are you too lazy to take the feather-weight empty package and carry it to a trash can?
When we saw this, my husband honked his horn for, no joke, ten seconds. The car pulled into a gas station a short time later and my sister yelled out of the window, "MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE EDUCATED ABOUT LITTERING FOOL!" Ok, I added the fool part- but come on.
I know that they probably didn't hear what my sister said or understand why my husband was honking but I'd like to think that we did a little something for the world.
We thought about stopping, grabbing the cigarette package and pulling in the gas station to tell the driver that he dropped something. Then we thought better of it because he may have a shotgun. This IS Indiana.
If for no other reason, do it for the children, man.
But I have to say it. I can't stand it when someone throws trash out of their car window. CAN'T STAND IT!
I don't understand the thinking that goes behind this act. The only possible explanation that I can come up with is that the person is lazy.
Last night we were driving behind a vehicle sporting a "Committed to Education" license plate and as we sat at a red light the booger threw a package of cigarettes out of the window. Are you serious? Are you too lazy to take the feather-weight empty package and carry it to a trash can?
When we saw this, my husband honked his horn for, no joke, ten seconds. The car pulled into a gas station a short time later and my sister yelled out of the window, "MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE EDUCATED ABOUT LITTERING FOOL!" Ok, I added the fool part- but come on.
I know that they probably didn't hear what my sister said or understand why my husband was honking but I'd like to think that we did a little something for the world.
We thought about stopping, grabbing the cigarette package and pulling in the gas station to tell the driver that he dropped something. Then we thought better of it because he may have a shotgun. This IS Indiana.
If for no other reason, do it for the children, man.
Friday, April 2
Oh iPhone- How you Dazzle Me
I am going to attempt to blog with my iPhone but cannot promise clear and precise sentences because my fingers tend to hit the wrong letters inadvertently. I have only owned this phone for a few weeks, but I find that it has the potential to consume my every thought. Hence this post which was composed on my phone. I couldn't help myself.
While sitting next to my mother, who was talking about something inconsequential (I can't remember), I realized I had been daydreaming about the phone. I knew exactly where it was in my purse, I remembered the last site I visited and I had an overwhelming urge to hold it.
It was sickening.
I admitted my obsession to my brother and mother. The iPhone has changed my life, I said. Traveling across the globe, changing me? That is nothing compared to this technology.
Now if you will excuse me. I am going to check my voicemail.
While sitting next to my mother, who was talking about something inconsequential (I can't remember), I realized I had been daydreaming about the phone. I knew exactly where it was in my purse, I remembered the last site I visited and I had an overwhelming urge to hold it.
It was sickening.
I admitted my obsession to my brother and mother. The iPhone has changed my life, I said. Traveling across the globe, changing me? That is nothing compared to this technology.
Now if you will excuse me. I am going to check my voicemail.
Thursday, April 1
Friendly Faces and Far Off Places
Last night I went out with three of my best friends from my high school years. We ate Mexican food, talked about life and relaxed at Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. MUST HAVE STARBUCKS.
Susan is an avid traveler and has been to every continent. In another week she is flying to Kenya and then will spend some time driving across Europe. I want to fit in her suitcase. Should I try it?
Rachel is a missionary in Ethiopia and her family is in The States for a few months. Rachel and Argaw, her husband, started an orphanage there and have three children. "It's a risky business making babies, but somebody has gotta do it," she said with a laugh.
Kristen is a home health care nurse who lives in the Fort Wayne area and knows all of the interesting and fun haunts here. The other night before my art museum escapade we couldn't think of a place to eat so we called her up. She is one of the most joyful people I know.
I LOVE that I can keep in touch with these women.
I can't wait to be old and hear what we are passionate about. Last night we talked about God, sex, family, death, traveling and writing. Fifty years from now we will either be obsessed with our dentures or excited about life. From the looks of this group, I am betting it will be the latter.
Susan is an avid traveler and has been to every continent. In another week she is flying to Kenya and then will spend some time driving across Europe. I want to fit in her suitcase. Should I try it?
Rachel is a missionary in Ethiopia and her family is in The States for a few months. Rachel and Argaw, her husband, started an orphanage there and have three children. "It's a risky business making babies, but somebody has gotta do it," she said with a laugh.
Kristen is a home health care nurse who lives in the Fort Wayne area and knows all of the interesting and fun haunts here. The other night before my art museum escapade we couldn't think of a place to eat so we called her up. She is one of the most joyful people I know.
Susan, Rachel, Kristen and Genesis (Rachel's baby)
I LOVE that I can keep in touch with these women.
I can't wait to be old and hear what we are passionate about. Last night we talked about God, sex, family, death, traveling and writing. Fifty years from now we will either be obsessed with our dentures or excited about life. From the looks of this group, I am betting it will be the latter.
Wednesday, March 31
Conversations with Lynn: On Children
While Sitting in Lynn's Studio
Lynn: You know- when we have children we are going to have one child who is an awesome musician and another one who is really good at sports.
Me: Maybe. When we have kids, I want to give them the chance to succeed.
Lynn: With your competitiveness and my love, we'll have well-rounded children.
Me: Did you really just say that?
Lynn: You know- when we have children we are going to have one child who is an awesome musician and another one who is really good at sports.
Me: Maybe. When we have kids, I want to give them the chance to succeed.
Lynn: With your competitiveness and my love, we'll have well-rounded children.
Me: Did you really just say that?
Tuesday, March 30
Our Mutt the Sun Goddess
Our dog Maddy, as you have read about before, is kind of a character. We have figured out though that she is pretty smart as well.
My husband and I are currently staying at my in-law's house while they are in Florida. The temperature in the house is set at 69 degrees and at times there can be a chill in the air. The main bathroom has heated tile and our dog figured this out pretty quickly.
So at night, instead of sleeping close to our bed like usual, she sleeps in the bathroom on the warm tile.
Sometimes she won't even move when we walk in the room. She will just look at us like, "How DARE you bother me while I slumber." If you know Maddy, that is so out of character.
I think that just as God created me for the cold weather, Maddy was made to enjoy heat. Florida suited her, poor thing.
On Sunday I had a chill. Crazy right? So I decided to give the tile floor a try. I sat on the bathroom floor for a half hour and read a book. It worked!
I could learn a thing or two from that wise mutt.
My husband and I are currently staying at my in-law's house while they are in Florida. The temperature in the house is set at 69 degrees and at times there can be a chill in the air. The main bathroom has heated tile and our dog figured this out pretty quickly.
So at night, instead of sleeping close to our bed like usual, she sleeps in the bathroom on the warm tile.
Sometimes she won't even move when we walk in the room. She will just look at us like, "How DARE you bother me while I slumber." If you know Maddy, that is so out of character.
I think that just as God created me for the cold weather, Maddy was made to enjoy heat. Florida suited her, poor thing.
On Sunday I had a chill. Crazy right? So I decided to give the tile floor a try. I sat on the bathroom floor for a half hour and read a book. It worked!
I could learn a thing or two from that wise mutt.
Monday, March 29
Saturday Night Stink Eye
Saturday night my husband, sister and I went to the grand reopening of the Fort Wayne Museum of Art. I pulled out my iPhone and took pictures of the crowd. I didn't see any signs that mentioned that picture-taking was prohibited, so I had fun with it.
While making our rounds in the final art gallery, I told my sister to stand in front of this brightly colored painting. I took the picture and a moment later a tall lady tapped me on the shoulder. "You are not allowed to take pictures in the gallery," she said and pursed her lips. "I'm sorry," I murmured and put the phone away.
Ashley said that from that point on the woman never stopped giving me the stink eye. We noticed that as we left the gallery, she followed us. I tried not to make eye contact and made sure my hands were in view so she knew I wasn't taking the forbidden pictures.
In these particular situations, I keep the mindset that I will probably never see the woman again, so there is no need to worry about what she thinks.
But to be honest, she was kind of scary. I am sure that I will have nightmares of the woman tapping me on the shoulder, wagging her finger and tisk-tisking with her pursed lips.
Below, however, are a few of the pictures that I took which do not include any up-close photos of artwork (notice I blurred out the paintings in the background of the second picture). It is too bad really. Some of the photos with art were pretty awesome.
While making our rounds in the final art gallery, I told my sister to stand in front of this brightly colored painting. I took the picture and a moment later a tall lady tapped me on the shoulder. "You are not allowed to take pictures in the gallery," she said and pursed her lips. "I'm sorry," I murmured and put the phone away.
Ashley said that from that point on the woman never stopped giving me the stink eye. We noticed that as we left the gallery, she followed us. I tried not to make eye contact and made sure my hands were in view so she knew I wasn't taking the forbidden pictures.
In these particular situations, I keep the mindset that I will probably never see the woman again, so there is no need to worry about what she thinks.
But to be honest, she was kind of scary. I am sure that I will have nightmares of the woman tapping me on the shoulder, wagging her finger and tisk-tisking with her pursed lips.
Below, however, are a few of the pictures that I took which do not include any up-close photos of artwork (notice I blurred out the paintings in the background of the second picture). It is too bad really. Some of the photos with art were pretty awesome.
Friday, March 26
The Man Knows That My Feet Smell
I have a theory. I am asking that you test it out and let me know if I am correct.
Here it is:
Whatever appears is based on what you write about and the web sites that you visit frequently. My most recent ads were:
1) The Economist Magazine
2) Earn your Masters from a School in Seattle
3) Online Photography Degrees
4) Global Experience- What are you doing next summer?
What we spend time doing, reading and saying is a good gauge as to who we truly are on the inside. Oh, so deep.
Let us pause and ponder these things.
I bet that the ads on the right side of the page at this moment are related to your interests and the sites that you spend time perusing. Am I right?
Food for thought. It is kind of disturbing that the advertising folks may understand more about me than my neighbor. I didn't quite know what to think when I saw advertisements about how to fix smelly feet. What are "they" trying to tell me?
Here it is:
I believe that one of the best self-analysis tools is to look at the advertisements that pop up on your computer screen while you are surfing Twitter, Facebook or pretty much any site.
Whatever appears is based on what you write about and the web sites that you visit frequently. My most recent ads were:
1) The Economist Magazine
2) Earn your Masters from a School in Seattle
3) Online Photography Degrees
4) Global Experience- What are you doing next summer?
What we spend time doing, reading and saying is a good gauge as to who we truly are on the inside. Oh, so deep.
Let us pause and ponder these things.
I bet that the ads on the right side of the page at this moment are related to your interests and the sites that you spend time perusing. Am I right?
Food for thought. It is kind of disturbing that the advertising folks may understand more about me than my neighbor. I didn't quite know what to think when I saw advertisements about how to fix smelly feet. What are "they" trying to tell me?
Thursday, March 25
If You Need to Fry an Egg, Put It on My Arm
I truly believe that God created me for cold weather. I get grumpy if it is too hot and I am not afraid to tell everyone about it. Sorry to all my Florida friends who had to listen to my rantings for two years.
I radiate heat. And when I say that, I am not lick-my-finger-and-place-it-on-my-hip-while-I-make-a-sizzling-sound joking. I am literally a furnace.
Last night I woke up to my husband's supplication to please move over to my side of the bed because he was sweating. If you were to graze my arm during those moments, it would be hot to the touch. Being able to withstand the cold weather is one thing I can be thankful that I inherited from my father and my grandfather.
My perfect day would be a fall evening at dusk. The temperature is below 60 degrees, the leaves have changed colors and it is cloudy. Someone in the distance is burning leaves and... I have a million dollars... and a whiskey sour on the rocks... and cheese.
I radiate heat. And when I say that, I am not lick-my-finger-and-place-it-on-my-hip-while-I-make-a-sizzling-sound joking. I am literally a furnace.
Last night I woke up to my husband's supplication to please move over to my side of the bed because he was sweating. If you were to graze my arm during those moments, it would be hot to the touch. Being able to withstand the cold weather is one thing I can be thankful that I inherited from my father and my grandfather.
My perfect day would be a fall evening at dusk. The temperature is below 60 degrees, the leaves have changed colors and it is cloudy. Someone in the distance is burning leaves and... I have a million dollars... and a whiskey sour on the rocks... and cheese.
Wednesday, March 24
Conrad the Stilt Walker
This last weekend my sister, mother and I drove around Fort Wayne and window-shopped for houses in a particular neighborhood. As we got out of our vehicle to look inside a house that was for sale we noticed an older gentleman walking down the sidewalk.
The man, we later learned to be Conrad Teff, was guiding a boy who was shakily balancing on stilts. He yelled out, "This here is a nice neighborhood if you are looking to buy." His movements were slow because the boy was a beginner.
"Where did you get the stilts?" we asked.
"Oh, I used to be a stilt walker."
"Why'd you first decide to learn?"
"Well, it was either do bad and evil things or learn stilts."
Personally, I went to youth group to stay out of trouble. Stilts could have worked. To each his own, I guess.
The man, we later learned to be Conrad Teff, was guiding a boy who was shakily balancing on stilts. He yelled out, "This here is a nice neighborhood if you are looking to buy." His movements were slow because the boy was a beginner.
"Where did you get the stilts?" we asked.
"Oh, I used to be a stilt walker."
"Why'd you first decide to learn?"
"Well, it was either do bad and evil things or learn stilts."
Personally, I went to youth group to stay out of trouble. Stilts could have worked. To each his own, I guess.
Tuesday, March 23
Dirty Dish Efficiency
I recently heard a story on NPR about an Efficiency Expert. He is hired to go into businesses and find ways to save money by simply moving a copier closer to a department or to define which positions are not necessary. I remember thinking that I would be good at that job because I pour my creamer in my mug before I pour in the coffee so I don't have to use a spoon.
Then, as I was emptying the dishwasher, it hit me - there are certain parts of my life where I simply don't care if there is order. The way in which I place my dirty dishes in the dishwasher is included in that list. It drives my husband mad. But, come on, they are DIRTY dishes. Next thing you know we will be organizing our trash.
Monday, March 22
Evil Worm Fish = Uncontrollable Urination
When my sister was little, she loved animals. Along with multiple hamsters, Ashley collected exotic fish and creatures for her aquarium. She had albino see-through frogs, really cool fish that had bulges and the worm fish.
The person at the store assured Ashley that the worm fish was vegetarian and that all of her fish would be safe. But, from the first moment I laid eyes on that worm, eel-like thing, I called it evil. I hated it. I just knew that when I slept it would find its way up to my room to bite me.
My mother arrived in Ashley's room one day and found that the worm fish was half way out of the tank (on its way to bite me). My mother, who herself was freaked out by the devil fish, sent Ashley to retrieve a glove so she could poke it back in the aquarium. While Ashley was on her errand, the eel fell on the floor and my mom, after a scream or two, peed her pants.
She couldn't blame this on age. It was from pure fright. I think if a grey, squirming creature was attacking me, I would pee my pants too.
After Ashley found a glove, (and rubbed in the fact that her mother, a grown up, had peed her pants,) they somehow shoved the eel back in the aquarium.
Sometime later Ashley started noticing that her fish were disappearing. My family couldn't figure out which of the fish were eating the others. They had it in their heads that it was the bottom feeder. Duh.
One day one of my siblings caught the evil thing with an albino frog leg hanging out of its mouth. We placed it in a different bowl and it died a day or two afterward from reasons unknown. I think it was possessed.
RIP devil fish. Good riddance.
The person at the store assured Ashley that the worm fish was vegetarian and that all of her fish would be safe. But, from the first moment I laid eyes on that worm, eel-like thing, I called it evil. I hated it. I just knew that when I slept it would find its way up to my room to bite me.
My mother arrived in Ashley's room one day and found that the worm fish was half way out of the tank (on its way to bite me). My mother, who herself was freaked out by the devil fish, sent Ashley to retrieve a glove so she could poke it back in the aquarium. While Ashley was on her errand, the eel fell on the floor and my mom, after a scream or two, peed her pants.
She couldn't blame this on age. It was from pure fright. I think if a grey, squirming creature was attacking me, I would pee my pants too.
After Ashley found a glove, (and rubbed in the fact that her mother, a grown up, had peed her pants,) they somehow shoved the eel back in the aquarium.
Sometime later Ashley started noticing that her fish were disappearing. My family couldn't figure out which of the fish were eating the others. They had it in their heads that it was the bottom feeder. Duh.
One day one of my siblings caught the evil thing with an albino frog leg hanging out of its mouth. We placed it in a different bowl and it died a day or two afterward from reasons unknown. I think it was possessed.
RIP devil fish. Good riddance.
Friday, March 19
60-Year-Old Zeus
When Lynn and I were first married we took a trip to Florida with my family for vacation. One evening we walked the beach and passed by one of the most interesting men I have ever met.
I don't remember his name, but this middle-aged man wore a leopard print Speedo, had long wavy hair, a hairy chest with beads dangling to his belly and his cheeks were freckled from the sun.
We learned that he was walking the beach because he loved watching the turtles lay eggs.
"I love all living things," he said. "I am Zeus, Buddha, Jesus, John the Baptist and Paul. I died on the cross. I control the seas. I love all creatures."
We asked him what he meant by that. He said that he is eternity and he has been reincarnated hundreds of times.
"It is all about the love, man. Love. I would never harm a single person. I have never hated anyone."
As the conversation continued, we realized that this man may have some issues. Lynn, finding his rantings ridiculous, said, "So, what if I punched you right now? Would you still feel the love?"
The man just smiled.
He made me think. Love is not all gumdrops and rainbows. Love can be difficult to do.
It is an action.
When someone punches you in the jaw, it could mean turning your cheek to him also. Or, if it was my sister, it could mean a wrestling match. I am just sayin'.
I don't remember his name, but this middle-aged man wore a leopard print Speedo, had long wavy hair, a hairy chest with beads dangling to his belly and his cheeks were freckled from the sun.
We learned that he was walking the beach because he loved watching the turtles lay eggs.
"I love all living things," he said. "I am Zeus, Buddha, Jesus, John the Baptist and Paul. I died on the cross. I control the seas. I love all creatures."
We asked him what he meant by that. He said that he is eternity and he has been reincarnated hundreds of times.
"It is all about the love, man. Love. I would never harm a single person. I have never hated anyone."
As the conversation continued, we realized that this man may have some issues. Lynn, finding his rantings ridiculous, said, "So, what if I punched you right now? Would you still feel the love?"
The man just smiled.
He made me think. Love is not all gumdrops and rainbows. Love can be difficult to do.
It is an action.
When someone punches you in the jaw, it could mean turning your cheek to him also. Or, if it was my sister, it could mean a wrestling match. I am just sayin'.
Wednesday, March 17
The Inappropriate Lunch Lady
So, my husband told me yesterday that he had an interesting interaction with the cafeteria lady at work.
Upon arriving up at the counter, the woman said to my husband, "I've been meaning to tell you that you have beautiful hair. It makes me want to run my fingers through it."
My husband, Mr. Quiet, was like, "Um... I get that a lot." What else is he supposed to say? Here! Run your fingers through my hair right over my tray of food and while you are at it, pinch my cheeks like an annoying extended family member.
It reminded me of the time that we went to Applebees and the waitress arrived at our table for the first time. She looked at me and said, "Whoa! Your eyes! They are like, seeing right through me. I can't even look at them."
Awkward.
I can just imagine what our children will look like. Someday people will have the unexplainable urge to run their fingers through our children's hair while at the same time be unable to look at them in the eyes.
I am sorry future child of mine.
P.S. Whenever I think of a lunch lady I think of Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live.
Upon arriving up at the counter, the woman said to my husband, "I've been meaning to tell you that you have beautiful hair. It makes me want to run my fingers through it."
My husband, Mr. Quiet, was like, "Um... I get that a lot." What else is he supposed to say? Here! Run your fingers through my hair right over my tray of food and while you are at it, pinch my cheeks like an annoying extended family member.
It reminded me of the time that we went to Applebees and the waitress arrived at our table for the first time. She looked at me and said, "Whoa! Your eyes! They are like, seeing right through me. I can't even look at them."
Awkward.
I can just imagine what our children will look like. Someday people will have the unexplainable urge to run their fingers through our children's hair while at the same time be unable to look at them in the eyes.
I am sorry future child of mine.
P.S. Whenever I think of a lunch lady I think of Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live.
Tuesday, March 16
Sunny Blood Tests
Before I left Florida I had a blood test done to see if I had any health issues (and because my insurance was ending). I received the call yesterday and although I was a little anxious about the results, it kind of made me laugh.
I am Vitamin D deficient. And do you know where Vitamin D comes from? The sun!
I just spent two and a half years in the Sunshine State and I am Vitamin D deficient. That is a true sign of how much I hated the Florida heat.
I am Vitamin D deficient. And do you know where Vitamin D comes from? The sun!
I just spent two and a half years in the Sunshine State and I am Vitamin D deficient. That is a true sign of how much I hated the Florida heat.
Monday, March 15
My Own Personal Banana Boat
While riding in the car this past week, my mother said, "Do you remember that yellow car you used to drive? We should never have let you use it. That thing was a boat."
The car in mention was my first car, a 1976 Buick Century Special. I called it my banana boat (not to be confused with banana hammock). It was a beast of a car.
My friend Lena from Germany thought it was so unique looking, she wouldn't go back to her country without getting a picture in front of it.
The exterior was bright yellow with the occasional rust spot. The interior was black and white checkered. My sister refused to be seen in it and even though she would have had a ride to school, she chose to take the bus.
I thought it was awesome.
I guess when my dad opened up the hood of the car for the first time at our house, a rat with a giant parasite infected hole in its side jumped out into the field. The door handle would not latch so, picture this, whenever I made a right hand turn I had to hold the door shut otherwise it would fly open. It took skills to keep the car running.
One day as I was driving through Auburn, the light turned red ahead. I stepped on the breaks and realized that they didn't work. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing to no avail. Lucky for me there was a brand new pickup truck stopped at the light just ahead (not). I rammed into his bumper twice. Being the wise teenager that I was, I started weeping like a baby so the man with the $35,000 pickup would be less likely to yell at me.
My boat didn't have a scratch on it, but I did $1,700 worth of damage to the pansy pickup truck. Take that, Ford.
They just don't make them there vehicles like they used to. It wasn't too much later that we got rid of the boat. I think we might have paid someone to take it off of our hands.
The car in mention was my first car, a 1976 Buick Century Special. I called it my banana boat (not to be confused with banana hammock). It was a beast of a car.
My friend Lena from Germany thought it was so unique looking, she wouldn't go back to her country without getting a picture in front of it.
The exterior was bright yellow with the occasional rust spot. The interior was black and white checkered. My sister refused to be seen in it and even though she would have had a ride to school, she chose to take the bus.
I thought it was awesome.
I guess when my dad opened up the hood of the car for the first time at our house, a rat with a giant parasite infected hole in its side jumped out into the field. The door handle would not latch so, picture this, whenever I made a right hand turn I had to hold the door shut otherwise it would fly open. It took skills to keep the car running.
One day as I was driving through Auburn, the light turned red ahead. I stepped on the breaks and realized that they didn't work. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing to no avail. Lucky for me there was a brand new pickup truck stopped at the light just ahead (not). I rammed into his bumper twice. Being the wise teenager that I was, I started weeping like a baby so the man with the $35,000 pickup would be less likely to yell at me.
My boat didn't have a scratch on it, but I did $1,700 worth of damage to the pansy pickup truck. Take that, Ford.
They just don't make them there vehicles like they used to. It wasn't too much later that we got rid of the boat. I think we might have paid someone to take it off of our hands.
Friday, March 12
I Would Like the Chocolate Trees, Please
Below are a few of the pictures that I took while exploring a forest near Crescent Lake and Marymere Falls. The last four photos were taken at Rialto Beach. I was a kid at a candy store.
Wednesday, March 10
Confessions of a... Cough, Cough... Twilight Fan
Yesterday we went to Olympic National Park and Forks. I found myself embarrassed to be in Forks. While passing locals on the street, I knew that they were thinking that I was just another one of the crazy tourists who ridiculously traveled across the country to get a vampire fix.
One of the gas station attendants asked me if I was a Twilight fan and I hesitated. "Um, well... I have read the books but I wouldn't call myself a fan," I said with my eyes to the ground (if I would have looked him in the eyes, he would have seen right through my web of lies).
We traveled to the La Push reservation and there was even a sign that read Treaty Line. The general store sold garlic too.
One of the gas station attendants asked me if I was a Twilight fan and I hesitated. "Um, well... I have read the books but I wouldn't call myself a fan," I said with my eyes to the ground (if I would have looked him in the eyes, he would have seen right through my web of lies).
We traveled to the La Push reservation and there was even a sign that read Treaty Line. The general store sold garlic too.
Fireside in Washington
Yesterday we spent part of the day at Riverfront Park in Spokane. It was the site of the World's Fair in 1974. We fed a metal trash-sucking goat, climbed a larger than life red wagon and explored the park a bit.
We ate at a place in downtown Spokane that was recommended to me by the couple whom I sat next to on my airplane flight from Phoenix. Instead of serving chips and salsa or bread before the meal, we had two bowls of popcorn. The sandwiches were amazing.
We drove for seven hours to western Washington for the next stage of our journey.
This morning, as I type this, I am sitting in front of a fireplace in a lodge directly adjacent to Olympic National Park.
The view is kind of obstructed by a large hill, but I am enjoying the heat of the log fireplace, the smell of burning wood and the sounds of instrumental music.
We ate at a place in downtown Spokane that was recommended to me by the couple whom I sat next to on my airplane flight from Phoenix. Instead of serving chips and salsa or bread before the meal, we had two bowls of popcorn. The sandwiches were amazing.
We drove for seven hours to western Washington for the next stage of our journey.
This morning, as I type this, I am sitting in front of a fireplace in a lodge directly adjacent to Olympic National Park.
The view is kind of obstructed by a large hill, but I am enjoying the heat of the log fireplace, the smell of burning wood and the sounds of instrumental music.
Tuesday, March 9
Starbucks, God and Vampires
I spent the day yesterday packing. Again. And the rest of the day I traveled. Again.
I don't mind traveling, but honestly I prefer the open road to the airport. I can't even count how many airplanes I have been on and to my ever-expanding thighs the comfort level lessens every time.
My mother and I arrived at Spokane, Washington last night at 11:00pm to visit my brother (that is 11:00 pm West Coast time- 2:00 am Indiana time). I still have not caught up on my sleep from my drive from Florida to Indiana.
I thought about this fact this morning and how I KNOW that God placed a million Starbucks in Washington just so I can stay awake this week.
I used an IPhone application to search for the nearest Starbucks locations. I found eight within a two mile radius of our hotel! If that isn't direct evidence of God's love, I don't know what is.
After spending the morning exploring my brother's university, we are off to Western Washington to stay in Port Angeles. And for all of you Twilight fans out there, we are going to Forks. Yes, the vampire infested, werewolf ravaged, Forks.
See you there.
P.S. I flew through Phoenix and as I was sitting at my gate, I thought, "Bella ran right down this hallway. I bet she escaped from Alice and Jasper in that restroom right over there."
I don't mind traveling, but honestly I prefer the open road to the airport. I can't even count how many airplanes I have been on and to my ever-expanding thighs the comfort level lessens every time.
My mother and I arrived at Spokane, Washington last night at 11:00pm to visit my brother (that is 11:00 pm West Coast time- 2:00 am Indiana time). I still have not caught up on my sleep from my drive from Florida to Indiana.
I thought about this fact this morning and how I KNOW that God placed a million Starbucks in Washington just so I can stay awake this week.
I used an IPhone application to search for the nearest Starbucks locations. I found eight within a two mile radius of our hotel! If that isn't direct evidence of God's love, I don't know what is.
After spending the morning exploring my brother's university, we are off to Western Washington to stay in Port Angeles. And for all of you Twilight fans out there, we are going to Forks. Yes, the vampire infested, werewolf ravaged, Forks.
See you there.
P.S. I flew through Phoenix and as I was sitting at my gate, I thought, "Bella ran right down this hallway. I bet she escaped from Alice and Jasper in that restroom right over there."
Monday, March 8
Sunsets, Silence, Space
Oh Indiana! I have missed you. While I was on the home stretch after 18 hours of driving from Florida to Indiana, the sun was setting ahead of me and I was surrounded by fields on every side. I realized three of the things that I have been lacking.
1. Sunsets
2. Silence
3. Space
Now, after my first weekend in Indiana, I remember why I appreciate this state so much.
I walked my dog on a trail behind my in-laws house and two horses in the neighboring field ran up to the fence to greet me. I said hello and stared at them for awhile. When I started walking, they walked along side me. I stopped again and they stopped as well to stare at me. I wonder if they could tell that I had been a city girl and they thought that I needed an escort while walking in the country?
I also went to a laundromat this weekend. I had a wonderful conversation with a stranger there. She knew who I was through Lynn's family and we talked about life. That would not happen in Orlando.
On Saturday when we unloaded the moving truck that I had just helped to pack a few days earlier (ugh), three of Lynn's brothers and one of his nephews helped us unload without being asked. It was so refreshing to experience that type of community again.
I have saved the best experience for last- I haven't locked my car doors since I have been here. When it is parked in the driveway, I leave the keys in the ignition. When I parked at the laundromat, it was unlocked. I can't tell you how that feels. It is like I can relax again.
1. Sunsets
2. Silence
3. Space
Now, after my first weekend in Indiana, I remember why I appreciate this state so much.
I walked my dog on a trail behind my in-laws house and two horses in the neighboring field ran up to the fence to greet me. I said hello and stared at them for awhile. When I started walking, they walked along side me. I stopped again and they stopped as well to stare at me. I wonder if they could tell that I had been a city girl and they thought that I needed an escort while walking in the country?
I also went to a laundromat this weekend. I had a wonderful conversation with a stranger there. She knew who I was through Lynn's family and we talked about life. That would not happen in Orlando.
On Saturday when we unloaded the moving truck that I had just helped to pack a few days earlier (ugh), three of Lynn's brothers and one of his nephews helped us unload without being asked. It was so refreshing to experience that type of community again.
I have saved the best experience for last- I haven't locked my car doors since I have been here. When it is parked in the driveway, I leave the keys in the ignition. When I parked at the laundromat, it was unlocked. I can't tell you how that feels. It is like I can relax again.
Friday, March 5
Barefoot in the Snow Without Cruise Control
As I am typing this, I am sitting in a hotel room in Georgia. I don't have much time to write and because of my travels my post will not be between 11:30am and 1:30pm. My inner self does not want to click the publish button because it is not within the specified time frame. I can do this.
I am about seven hours into an eighteen hour drive. Alone. There is a first for everything. It is giving me the chance to test my motto which is I will try anything once.
I can see it now. Instead of telling my children that I walked to school in the winter with no shoes (uphill both ways, mind you), I will recount the time that I drove from Florida to Indiana by myself without cruise control.
I am about seven hours into an eighteen hour drive. Alone. There is a first for everything. It is giving me the chance to test my motto which is I will try anything once.
I can see it now. Instead of telling my children that I walked to school in the winter with no shoes (uphill both ways, mind you), I will recount the time that I drove from Florida to Indiana by myself without cruise control.
Thursday, March 4
So Long Trouser Socks!
I have spent my week packing up our house in preparation for the moving truck's arrival today. By the end of the day yesterday I was coming up with every excuse in the book to take a break.
I am so OVER packing.
I placed a vase in a box. Oh! Time for a break. It was two hours until lunch. Welp- break time.
I managed to stack some boxes neatly. If it wasn't for my friend Katie who, bless her, packed half of my house in December, I would not have been able to do this on my own.
Most of the packing went smoothly but when I opened up that junk drawer and my husband's night stand, I gave up and shoved the amalgamous mess in a box titled Desk or Lynn's Stuff. My organizational analness can only take me so far.
After packing about two boxes of socks and random clothing I spent an hour in the living room staring out the window thinking about how I won't have to wear trouser socks anymore. They were a necessity once we moved down here, my husband said, because the stench of my feet in the Florida heat could clear out a room. Hence the time Lynn took out a basin to soak my feet. I thought he was being romantic but he admitted that he was tired of breathing through his mouth.
By tonight I will be passing over the Florida state line and throwing my trouser socks out of the window.
I am so OVER packing.
I placed a vase in a box. Oh! Time for a break. It was two hours until lunch. Welp- break time.
I managed to stack some boxes neatly. If it wasn't for my friend Katie who, bless her, packed half of my house in December, I would not have been able to do this on my own.
Most of the packing went smoothly but when I opened up that junk drawer and my husband's night stand, I gave up and shoved the amalgamous mess in a box titled Desk or Lynn's Stuff. My organizational analness can only take me so far.
After packing about two boxes of socks and random clothing I spent an hour in the living room staring out the window thinking about how I won't have to wear trouser socks anymore. They were a necessity once we moved down here, my husband said, because the stench of my feet in the Florida heat could clear out a room. Hence the time Lynn took out a basin to soak my feet. I thought he was being romantic but he admitted that he was tired of breathing through his mouth.
By tonight I will be passing over the Florida state line and throwing my trouser socks out of the window.
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